|
Jame
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jamie
Birthday: 3/5/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: singing in the shower, dancing in the moonlight (or basically anywhere), trying new things, new music, new foods, definitely interested in YOU, philosophizing... wondering at the diversity of culture and within cultures, for.... what IS culture? God in all his wonder.... he is the reason for everything that takes my breath away...
Expertise: my humanity.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/26/2002
|
|
| So here I am once again. A time of transition. (When) will it ever end?
But it think it's for the best that I am out of that particular position. Project Coordinator at the Clinic. At least it was a foot in the door to actual legit coordination. Not that Divertigranja wasn't, but at least I have something to go off of when I can say my worth in $$ and more structure in the workplace.
But it was the miscommunication and conflict mostly with one of my staff but with a secret build-up from the other, whose silences were worse, in my mind. mostly because I know she isn't necessarily silent with others.
But I have learned from that experience.
But something happened in me last week. i was looking for jobs on craigslist, on careerbuilder, on monster, at the local temp agency. Applying for admin assistant positions in the local area when secretly I want more out of life. On top of that I involved myself with an educational forum on healthcare reform two weeks ago and am now a member of the League of Women Voters, who just had an international book as their book club read that week, so my passion areas had been triggered, awakened to learning and student-like brain stimulation.
So last week in response I thought to myself, "Jamie, what do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Where?" And like my standard reply to other people, I repeated rotely to myself, "I want to direct international-type program(s) that help people, and be able to learn from other cultures and shape them or at least take part in the work that is going on around the globe. I would like to work in an organization like World Vision." And, knowing that to be true, at that moment I thought, well, if I want to work for World Vision eventually hay que ver what they want in an employee. I go to the WV career site and BOOM, there's a position for the Regional Coordinator for Latin America, with all the responsibilities something I can hand and the requirements something I have. And stationed either in WA or DC.
Instantly my mind shifted into excitement. I could almost feel it physically do so. All of a sudden I thought of a million things: I'd have to carefully apply; were I to get this job I would go, no hesitation. I would need rec letters, a carefully written cover letter, even probably a statement of faith. Can I even put my faith into words?? This opportunity... wow. Then I looked more closely at the list: very financially heavy. Handling the information and data from the sponsorship program and acting as the liaison from Latin America to the rest of the organization - an organization with 40,000+ employees. But I think I can handle it. No, i KNOW I could handle it. My mind going a hundred miles an hour, I started researching WV more.
Since then, I feel this tug in my heart to expand my horizons, not just with World Vision, but also for other possibilities. To consider leaving my hometown area once again for the foreign. Whether for LA, San Francisco, another state (a whole other region of the US!?), even another country. Strangely enough, moving out of the country doesn't seem as intimidating as moving to another state. Go figure.
Even as I get closer to people here in North County, it feels almost suffocating for some reason. It has been refreshing to see the area with a different perspective post-Oxy and now dating a Mexican here, but by staying here I feel like I would be saying goodbye to the global image I have painted for myself. Of course, sometimes wanting to go abroad *eventually* means doing it. Or sooner.
And with the boy? he said he'd follow me. Let's see what happens.
| | |
| Now I know where it comes from - nature vs. nurture. My mom has said to me many times that I need to be more considerate, not of others but of whether others are waiting on me. Now I know that my tendency to be more laid back about things and in essence bug the crap out of people who are waiting on me does not come from my upbringing but rather from my nature.
The plan being for family to come spend the night after a whole day of Tae Kwon Do more than an hour's drive away I thought would mean that they would be done around 4 and be here for dinner. After checking my watch throughout the afternoon I get a call at 6:30 saying they are planning to stay another 45 minutes to support the last team members and then come down. Well that would be a nice gesture to them, but don't I count for anything?
I'm pretty flexible. However, if they hadn't been coming I might have gone to a concert with my boyfriend, otherwise I might not be so irritated to wait for family to spend a hurried night at 9 pm. They would have been here for dinner and to spend some quality time together hanging out. But now who knows. And I just wasted my whole afternoon and evening waiting for them and preparing "quality time" activity. Good thing I didn't actually make the dinner I was planning on making.
Putting it in perspective, apparently neither D nor H, who is 9 years old and was not participating in the event (just watching the whole time) mind staying longer, and since I am not going to the concert I don't have anything else either and can just read if I would like, which would be nice.
I now realize that I want people to now know me as someone who is considerate of others, rather than lacking in this area. She has done this with me before, and I have been just as put out as I have probably made a dozen other people feel in my lifetime with the same inconsideration.
So here's a BIG FAT note to self: if someone is waiting for me to contact/see them, from now on, I swear I don't want to carry on this family tradition. I want to be more considerate of others and put myself in their shoes.
| | |
| It's come to this:
pursed lips and squinted eyes
breath coming out my nose in calculated rhythm
so that I don't explode.
you make me even too exhausted and frustrated to write a poem.
Sucks to havea friend that is so patriotic he values this country more than a 12 year friendship.
Seeya Jacob. Nice knowing you.
Call me when you find compassion and grace again. We can get some coffee or something. Until then, don't bother.
| | |
| When it comes to bi-racial couples, there are some things that are just naturally going to be different. Food preference. Family dynamics. cultural expectations... aka stereotypes.
When it comes to relationships, I should have seen the red flags from a mile away. The sheer number of young single mothers. The aversion to marriage. The continued social acceptance of the Latino lover with the wife and multiple girlfriends and the alcohol problem... and the love-hate relationship that many Latinos have with regards to spirituality and specifically with the Church... as if Jesus were your pinche Tio Chucho and not the savior of your damn life and
actually really knows you.
Face it hermanos... hispanic relationships are not the best model to base mine off of. And I feel it sometimes in the strangest situations.
.
| | |
| An update...
- Since December I have been going out with my boyfriend Gustavo, and continue falling in love with him.
- Since December I have also been attending a Christian/seekers home group every Monday night with Gustavo and a midweek dinner night with members of the community on Wednesdays.
- Since February of this year I have been working in teen reproductive health at the local Community Clinic.
- Since February I have a Ford Focus (not big on the Focus as a type of car, let me tell you...)
- Since March I have been living in a house with three other girls
- Since I came home from Oaxaca I see my family on a very regular basis.
So it is now almost August... What do all these factors mean in my life?
A whole lot. With the dynamics of the different relationships in my life and the relative newness of so many of them - the boyfriend, the coworkers, the housemates, the weekly friend/acquaintance and what friendships look like after school is over . . . all of those are teaching me so much about who I am and what I don't/do like about me and want to be. With Gustavo, or Tavo as I endearingly call him, we get along very well, enjoy going places and cooking and being together as much as possible - pretty much at least some time every day, and weekends we are pretty much inseparable. We squabble at times but always try to work things out. With the coworkers, I am struggling to grasp what it means to be simply a coworker and not a friend, especially as more of my work is independent from my staff than I had anticipated. My role is to lead others who are frankly better equipped to lead themselves from more experience in the field. I have my own corner office and never wanted so much room. The housemates... we get along ok. Since Gustavo and I are together so often, the times when we actually all are in the house together is rare anyway and at least two of us are not wanting to just hang out. Two of the girls hang out a lot together and go places, and because the third is often home, she runs into everyone frequently. It can be frustrating with one of the girls because it seems the only time we end up communicating is to request that the other do something differently. And it's usually by text... I HATE making requests by text.
With the friend situation, I have old friends that I keep in touch with relatively. The ones that I have been hanging out with the last 8 months... I know we need to get past the acquaintence stage but whenever I get that feeling I lack the energy to initiate anything. And it's just like... gah! Who are my friends I can hang out with? Gustavo and I hang out maybe more than is good for us as individuals.
I talk about healthy relationships but seem unable to really have them.
| | |
|
